Aug 28, 2008

Why The Hell Not?... The Final Act

Welcome to the fifth and final installment of this overly optimistic prediction series. Please enjoy!

Like a crazy Wookie army, the Fighting Irish are invading the BCS for a third time in 4 years. This is how the BCS shook down in 2008.

        • BCS Championship #1 Ohio State VS. #2 Georgia
        • Orange Bowl #7 Clemson VS. #6 Missouri
        • Rose Bowl #9 USC VS. #11 Michigan St.
        • Fiesta Bowl #4 Oklahoma VS. #5 BYU
        • Sugar Bowl #3 Notre Dame VS. #8 Florida

        Notre Dame (11-1) VS. Florida (10-2)

        The Irish march once again into New Orleans to play in the Sugar Bowl against an SEC foe. This time it is a rematch of the 1992 Sugar Bowl against the Florida Gators.

        Oh my oh my. As one could probably imagine, the Gator football team and the party city of N.O. did not mix well. There were reports all week of Gator players getting into a lot of shit, but nothing really surfaced until the night before the game.

        Ronnie Wilson of AK-47 fame, took a midnight stroll around the city. He figured since he was out and about, that he might as well sell some crack that he got from Tim Tebow. This was some good shit as Tebow used his missionary status to smuggle it in from the source. Once Ronnie got his stash all sold for the night he took a personal hit for himself and whipped out his latest weapon of choice... another AK-47. No one was hurt, but he did manage to hold the entire French Quarter in terror for about an hour while he shot up every street sign he could find. He was finally detained when a late night nutria hunter knocked his ass out with a string of dead nutrias and New Orleans police arrived and took Ronnie into custody. No one got a good look at the Good Samaritan, but some bystanders described him as a wild-eyed older gentleman that just seemed "bat-shit" crazy. When questioned about the event, Florida coach Urban Meyer dazzled the media by proving he could tap his head and rub his tummy. Chris Fowler was overheard saying, "This man is a saint. I will follow him."

        On to the game.

        Compared to the night before, the game seemed to take on a calm undertone as both teams warmed up and stretched. Tim Tebow was dressed and ready despite the accusations of drug running that came after the Wilson incident. Then, as if it was straight out of the movie Braveheart, Jon Tenuta comes running out of the tunnel wearing a kilt and an enormous cape made of nutria fur. He runs over to the Florida side of the field and begins chanting an insane mix of gibberish, Latin, and profanities not seen since George Carlin. Tenuta was the hero of the French Quarter.

        The game itself turned into a defensive battle. Tim Tebow was somehow ineffective running his coaches PAL offensive system. Corwin Brown was smart enough to show game film from about 30 different PAL games in Indianapolis to show his defensive players what they were up against. Quarterback run left, middle, right and sometime a long pass. The Irish weren't moving the ball much either due to the stout Gator run defense with a couple of big DT's in Omar Hunter and Justin Trattou. When ND tried to pass, they were just a little off target and out of sync. The game was tied at 0-0 at the half.

        Right away in the third quarter things started to change dramatically as the Irish started to string together a long drive by running the ball right down the throat of the Gator defense. It wasn't until James Aldridge scored on a 22 yard TD run that the public was aware of what was happening. Urban Meyer was carried off by a cult of media followers that canonized him at half-time. Chris Fowler, Mark May, and John Saunders formed as the leaders of this crazy rabble of worshipers. But because Urban wasn't there, a slew of players followed him during this ritual. Players such as Omar Hunter, Justin Trattou, Percy Harvin, and others walked calmly next to him. It was later discovered that all of the players involved in this "walk-out" were under a trance similar to that of the CIA's MK-Ultra and that was how they originally were recruited by Meyer. What a fucking game.

        Oh yea, the IRISH won 42-0.

        MVP- Chris Fowler for dedicating his life to Meyer and taking him and his mind-controlled players with him to a compound somewhere outside of Boulder, Colorado.

        The Irish finished 2nd in the polls behind Ohio State. Just wait until 2009!

        Editors note: I am completely bat-shit crazy (man I love that word today) myself and believe this latest post should be the proof needed to lock me away in a state mental ward. Hi mom!