Interview With Socialist Skunkbears... You've Been Warned

As we did last year, The Wolverine Liberation Army and The Subway Domer shared a warm beer and smoked non-filtered cigarettes while pretending to know things about things. Here are the questions that were asked of me (they should be up soon- I wake up a bit earlier), while you will find my interview of them below.

Take the safety off...

Say you are a fan of a traditional powerhouse in football. Say that team may or may have not committed NCAA rules, but they are allegations none the less and must be addressed. Would you rather have your head coach A) Be stoic, defensive and proud while denying all charges B) Cry like a bitch and admit what he did was wrong C) Cry like a bitch, but deny D) Stand up at the podium for 20 minutes and try to cry like a bitch but could never shed a tear?

We're not sure what this question is driving at - as far as we know, lying to Burger King about being short changed on an order to get a free Angry Whopper isn't actually an NCAA violation and we didn't see Weis crying when he was confronted about it. Or are you referring to Ta-nu-ta blubbering like a sad Thomas the Tank Engine when he was told in meetings that blitzing 13 guys is illegal and potentially risky?

Also, we didn't see E) drive his enormous ass up and down the sideline on an electric cart. We're sure the ND faithful would choose E.

The WLA refuses to discuss said allegations as they are involved with the investigation. They also stated that while Ann Arbor is a whore, she is an expensive whore.

You have a couple of good players on both sides of the ball, or so I am told. Give me a couple and explain why I should give a shit.

The best player on the roster, by far, is Brandon Graham. You, and Jimmy Clausen may remember him from Sam Young "blocking" him to the tune of 3.5 sacks in 2007. In 2 years of starting, he has 18.5 sacks, and while not registering any last week, knocked WMU's Tim Hiller down around 10,000 times. He's a first-round pick next draft - single-block him at your peril.

Tate Forcier is a remarkably poised freshman QB. And I don't even mean this sort of "poised".

ESPN and the rest of the media are jerking off to ND and Michigan after their week 1 performances. Who needs who more, ND/UM needs the media or vice versa?

The media needs them. No two teams can get the Midwestern, overweight, Natty light drinking fans going like ND and Michigan. Sure, OSU has their fair share of loyalists, but Ohio fucking blows. Michigan and Notre Dame have huge bandwagons and are ratings winners for ESPN and company - they would love one of them to rise to national prominence once again.

ND/UM don't need the media, we can talk to ourselves about how great we are (or were) and never once open a news paper. The only thing ND/UM need the media for is for our rich, blue hair alums to check their stock quotes and to watch Fox News.

I have one word for you... word.

ND and Michigan go after a lot of the same recruits. Give me a couple of guys on the current ND squad that you would want wearing piss streaks on their helmet (A.K.A. the winged helmet). How would they make your team better?

Definitely not these guys:

Regardless, players seem to become useless once Charlie gets his hands on them.

Well, what about guys like this:
He fucking dominated you.

Do you even know how good Jimmy Clausen really is, or are you terrified by the truth?

We guess as terrified as anyone can be by a balding 20 year-old being cuckolded by his 500-pound planetary coach.

The WLA are used to 5'8 140 pound crackhead QB's. That's why they have a weight obsession.

How will Stevie Brown help the Irish in 2009?

Stevie Brown is now a linebacker, and thus far more unlikely to cause a gaffe that results in Notre Dame running a single-man route for a touchdown. Troy Woolfolk? That's another question.

When the game is over, remember the image of Brown getting postered by Kyle Rudolph.

With the best offensive player on your team from the 2008 game now in Houston (McGuffie), who will fill his tiny shoes?

Denard Robinson is faster than Charlie Weis when a new plate of ribs is put on the buffet at OCB. Did you know he doesn't tie his shoes?



Someone told me that Te'o can't stand QB's that don't tie their shoes. Ooohhhhhh.

If Michigan goes into a tailspin after the beatdown that they are about to receive, what happens to Dick Rod?

RR probably need to get Michigan bowl-eligible this year, which is imminenty attainable. Whether that involves beating Notre Dame or not is probably ultimately irrelevant. That said, if Michigan wins Saturday's game, it would take a mind-numbingly awful loss (like, to Eastern, Deleware St., Indiana, or Purdue) to stop Michigan from making a bowl game.

What an amazingly tough schedule! That's Big Ten tough!

Loved this question from you (WLA reads Subway Domer). I'll return it to you: Who is your favorite Wu-Tanger? Which Michigan player most resembles him?

Our favorite, by far, is the Ghostface Killah - the Michigan player that most resembles him, clearly, is 4th string quarterback David Cone. See for yourself at around 2:20 of this.

You can't stop Tony Starks.

Has the average Michigan fan's perception of this game changed with Notre Dame's first week performance?

I'd say the "average" Michigan fan is likely far more optimistic about Michigan's chances. I think those of us that follow the day-in, day-out ups and downs of the teams are probably in the same place as we were - Michigan, at home, has an extremely good shot at winning this game.

It's too early in the season for Michigan fans to realize what is going on.

Your prediction.

Barring last year's barrage of turnovers and an appearance by the Artist Formerly Known as "Starting Quarterback Nick Sheridan", I think Michigan eeks out a lower-scoring affair. Notre Dame's offensive line has been bad for two years, and at some point, you need to ignore Sam Young's five-stars and concentrate on the fact that he's been a turnstile for his entire career. Michigan's defensive line will make minced-meat of the o-line, and their secondary will likely have a gaffe or two that results in Michael Floyd and Golden Tate prancing down the sidelines. The road-team classically does poorly in this series, and Saturday will be no exception - 20-14, MICH. Book it.

Fellas, fellas, fellas....